Self-care has been touted as one of the most important things we can do for ourselves, especially during the time of a global pandemic. But what is self-care? What does it actually mean? And what if we can’t afford monthly pedicures and massages?
When self-care first became a pop culture buzz word it was promoted under the guise of spending more money on yourself. You deserve a break. You deserve to treat yourself. You deserve that $200 beard oil and that $1000 spa day. You deserve those comfier shoes and athleisure pants. Hopefully as the years have progressed, most of us can see that this is simply a tactic by big brother to get us to spend more money and reinforce the powers of capitalism. Unfortunately I continue to meet people who believe this to be the true meaning of self-care.
Yet it’s so much more than that. Now instead of using this term, I’m starting to lean more on ‘self-nourishment’ as a healthier and more telling alternative. Self-care is too attached with spending money, which is absolutely not necessary to take care of your basic needs. Self-nourishment to me means doing something for the sole purpose of taking care of our basic human needs, for ourselves and no one else. This is self-centered and that’s the point. We live in a society where women are brainwashed into believing that being a martyr for our colleagues, children, friends and pets is the true meaning of womanhood. For me this cannot be farther from the truth. We need to put ourselves first to be able to help and serve others, if we do not, our cup will be empty and we’ll burn out. Case and point. Self-centered self-nourishment is the fuel we all need to ensure that our society runs as smoothly as possible.
Discipline is about doing things when you don’t feel like it in the moment because you know it’s good for you in the short or long run. Discipline is about being able to see past today and work on yourself now to benefit your future self. Discipline is about abiding by your boundaries that reflect your values. It’s about being organized, managing our time, and being self-aware enough to know when something is working well for you and when it needs a change, and then actually making the change.
Self-Nourishment needs discipline like Jeff Bezos’ space flight needs my Prime subscription. We cannot have one without the other. We must first listen to our bodies to identify our needs. Once we do this, we must create an action plan to put into motion the skills and habits required to satisfy our needs. Ultimately we need to walk the talk. Taking intention and putting it into action.
If you struggle with self-nourishment, the first step isn’t to start a new movement routine or run out to buy the latest meditation subscription. First you must assess your current ability to follow through on what you’ll say you’ll do and the goals you set for yourself.
Are you getting up when that first alarm goes off? Are you only checking your email at your self-prescribed times to reduce distraction? Do you end your work day when you say you will? Did you follow up with that friend to schedule your next hangout? If you’re answer is no to one or more of these examples, this is the place to start.
Build momentum and create a habit (automatic action) first with something that you’ve already set as a goal for yourself. This will help to increase your sense of accomplishment and will also give you some practice with being disciplined in other areas of your life before you create space for something new. It’s better to practice with something that we’re already partially doing, as it will take less energy and effort to complete the last 40% of that intention, rather than starting from 0 with something new.
If you’re having trouble following through on your pre-existing intention, here are some things to think about.
How do you remind yourself of the intention? Eg sticky notes on the fridge, calendar reminder on your phone
Is your space set up to optimize potential success? Eg leaving your guitar out to practice or having your gym clothes beside your bed in the morning.
Would you benefit from an accountability buddy? Is there someone in your life who is interested in completing a similar goal? Could you two support each other to get through?
How do you respond to negative thoughts or excuses that pop into your head before working on the goal? Practice treating these thoughts like an acquaintance who chimes in with advice when you really don’t want it. Simply smile and nod, say thanks to your mind, and proceed with the action anyways.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
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