Happiness Is Overrated: What We Need for a Balanced Life

“When people are not content with life...they can start to feel unhappy about being unhappy. Then, being unhappy about being unhappy makes them feel even worse, and the feedback loop creates a downward spiral, leading to a deepening hole of dissatisfaction.” – Pamela Paresky

This quote from Pamela Paresky’s article, Miserable and Middle-Aged. Is Something Wrong With You? on Psychology Today, highlights a critical point: our cultural obsession with happiness might be doing more harm than good.

The Problem with Pursuing Happiness

We often place immense pressure on ourselves to sustain extreme emotions like joy, pleasure, or peace. But happiness, like all emotions, is fleeting—it isn’t meant to last forever. Expecting to remain in a perpetual state of happiness is like wanting to live every day on a roller coaster or relive your wedding day on repeat.

In reality, if we did manage to stay in a state of happiness for an extended period, its value would diminish. Think of the excitement you feel when purchasing something new. At first, it brings immense joy, but over time, the novelty fades. The same principle applies to happiness: the more we experience it without contrast, the less meaningful it becomes.

Why Contrast Matters

Happiness loses its meaning without contrasting emotions. Feelings like sadness, anger, dissatisfaction, and hopelessness are essential—they allow us to recognize and appreciate the highs of joy, pleasure, and contentment. It’s the yin and yang of life: one cannot exist without the other.

Living a fully human experience requires embracing the full spectrum of emotions. Without the lows, the highs wouldn’t feel high at all—they’d simply feel neutral or mediocre.

So, What Should You Do with Life’s Ups and Downs?

The key is to practice acceptance. When a strong emotion arises:

1. Notice and name it: Acknowledge what you’re feeling, whether it’s sadness, anger, or joy.

2. Take a deep breath: This simple act helps create space between you and the emotion.

3. Continue your day: Recognizing an emotion doesn’t mean you need to dwell on it.

When we can name our emotions, we begin to tame them.

Recommended Reading

For anyone looking to dive deeper into acceptance and the role of emotions, I highly recommend The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. This book provides actionable insights on how to embrace the full range of human emotions without getting stuck in the pursuit of happiness.